The Evolution of a Mistress

Wearing : William Wilde, Lucie Latex, Libedex, Simon O latex

The evolution of a Mistress, this year has been a journey of discovery, one where I’ve embraced my true self and discovered facets of my identity that I never fully understood before. Venturing into the space of sexuality and kink, I initially clung to the stereotype that a career woman like myself would naturally gravitate towards submission as a counterbalance to her daily life. However an encounter with a DOM challenged this assumption and pushed me to confront my preconceived notions head-on. The initial struggle with submission was intense; when he commanded me to kneel, “ Get down on your knees,” my eyes just rolled as I thought to myself, “who the hell do you think you are?” my instinctive reaction was defiance. If it wasn’t because he was so bloody delicious with those piercing blue eyes, I would rebel, but that would result in punishment. I had to think twice. Yet, as strange as it might seem, this dynamic intrigued me; his aura of authority was intoxicating and managed to penetrate through my resistance. The experience culminated in a physical expression of power dynamics — 100 lashes delivered through flogging, whipping, and spanking and he made me count. Why did this excite me perhaps surprisingly it aligned with this new dimension of myself that I was beginning to understand but in denial. This exploration has not only broadened my perception but also allowed me to embrace authenticity in ways I could never have anticipated. Leaving the dungeon was a moment of profound introspection, leaving me feeling both empty and driven by an intense desire to switch. That day Lady EllaBe arrived! the thought “You will want to submit” echoed in my mind, fuelling a newfound understanding of my own capabilities and inclinations. Yet, I would do this with care, as leaving such a space after so much intensity can be a real comedown. That was the realisation of how important it is for a Dominant to show aftercare—something I am highly capable of. I realise the excitement of this experience with him was more than the play itself. The psychological build-up towards our play felt as if he had infiltrated my mind with desire, yet I had this element of fear. Could that coexist, I wondered? I believe it can.

Over the course of 12 months, this reflection on my evolution matured into a clear recognition — something I finally realised — that I possess a naturally nurturing, dominant nature. I love this role in fact it is so natural and my mind moves so fast I can pre empt a scene. However, I will willingly choose to surrender — to relinquish all control to someone worthy. This choice is not about submission but rather a conscious decision to allow another person to take over without restraint or inhibition. It takes a lot to get me into that space. It requires someone who respects my limits and boundaries. Embracing this duality means acknowledging that I can exist comfortably at two extremes: either fully in command or entirely surrendered. There is really no in-between for me. Trusting my DOM completely takes skill and I will only surrender to one. As such as a growing Domme one rule is no sex in session! this is rather sacred to me.

As I delved deeper into my explorations I discovered an awakening of a long-dormant aspect of myself, one that embraces the role of dominance with surprising ease. It is fascinating how effortlessly words flow from me, exerting a power that can sometimes be stronger than the actions themselves. In pondering what draws me to the idea of being a mistress, I realise it transcends mere physicality; it’s about mastering the intricate dance of psychological and emotional engagement. A true mistress need not rely on sex; instead, she holds a presence in her influence through an artful command over the mind. This involves navigating emotions and subtle cues with such fluidity that it creates a phenomenon I like to call a “consensual mind fuck,” where every interaction is charged with intensity and anticipation.

I hold my sub to the precipice. They will adore me. The ultimate reward lies in witnessing submission, a profound testament to their trust and devotion in relinquishing control into my hands. This dynamic not only enriches our connection but also allows me to embrace a side of myself that was waiting patiently beneath the surface all along.

Wrapping my head around the dynamics of a DOM/SUB relationship, I’ve come to appreciate that it transcends beyond the simplistic portrayals often seen in pornography, which are designed merely for a good wank. Much like the fairytale notion of a prince on a white horse, these relationships hold far more depth and significance. The role of a mistress involves profound psychological insight, transforming interactions into therapeutic exchanges that serve as both release and play, reminiscent of childhood games.

This exploration has led me to realise that embracing such duality might be essential for us all, as our conventional lives often shape us into rigid patterns of behaviour. Fascinatingly, I have observed many successful men in high-powered positions gravitating towards submission — perhaps that is what I attract naturally. Despite numerous mistresses existing within this sphere, society still predominantly casts women in submissive roles in everyday life. Men will be cast as macho strong Alpha Males. I think this is exhausting! This raises an intriguing question: do we suppress our true selves to conform to societal norms about what is deemed acceptable?

Reflecting on the dynamic between a Mistress and her sub, I believe each Mistress brings a unique style of dominance to the relationship, similar to approaches seen in human behavioural science. These styles range from task-oriented to nurturing, and from introverted to extroverted. The Mistress’s role is to adapt her methods to suit the sub’s personality, behaviour, and needs. This adaptability, I feel, is crucial for maintaining an engaging and fulfilling dynamic within the play. For instance, an expressive sub might require obedience training to maintain focus during sessions, such as writing “I will focus, Mistress” 100 times, or experiencing restraint, blindfolding, or sensory deprivation — all agreed-upon with consequences if they fail to comply. I am sure they will eventually focus. Conversely, a bratty sub may need verbal play or restricted access to establish boundaries, like responding with “You talk too much” and “My question was Yes or No; I did not ask you to elaborate. For that, you are to abstain for a week.” Perhaps that will rein in this rebel. Meanwhile, a more gentle sub typically shows obedience but benefits from being gently pushed beyond their comfort zone to explore new limits, with consent and safe words established. “Truly, how devoted are you to your Mistress? Think before answering.” Words possess an extraordinary power, capable of influencing emotions, thoughts, and actions in profound ways. It is often said that the mind is the most potent erogenous organ of the body, a notion underscored by our capacity to be deeply moved and stirred by language. Consider how an assertive crafted phrase can evoke strong feelings. The play between words and imagination can paint vivid pictures in our minds and stimulate senses far beyond what physical touch alone can sometimes achieve. Its a Mind fuck!

Mastering these nuances required a high level of awareness and presence from the Mistress; without this attentiveness, there is a risk that the sub might lose interest or become disengaged.Ultimately, this understanding fosters trust and deepens the connection between both parties, creating a richer experience for everyone involved.

Therefore, I do not believe a single play session is sufficient; these dynamic roles are a journey of understanding, and as such, I feel the submissive holds more power as he works to gain adoration from his Mistress. These are my thoughts and what I believe to be right for me. Through this journey of exploration, we can truly peel back the layers of trust to understand the authentic person we are dealing with, and the trust and bond become so strong that we begin to understand both their vanilla life and kink life in ways seldom achieved through general friendships.

Today, I accept what I want for myself, and I can say that 20 years ago, I would have chosen this as a career because I find immense joy in the feeling of domination. For me, there is no playbook because we are all unique; each person on this planet holds a story that has shaped them into who they are today. For some, a vanilla life is enough, but others need more intensity to hone their desires, their form of expression for mental and physical release. I find the dynamic therapeutic because, hand on heart, my personal journey has been special..