The Dominatrix Balance: External Validation vs. Internal Affirmation

I was contemplating today about the delicate balance in a D/S relationship and the importance of maintaining a healthy balance as a Domme . While some engage in being a professional Pro Domme others live the lifestyle 24/7, I align more with the lifestyle side.

Today's reading ignited a reflection on the intricate balance between self-praise and the ever-tempting dependency some of us find in external validation. It is a paradox that sits at the heart of our personal growth, challenging us to find balance in a world that often sways us towards one extreme or another. Too much reliance on self-praise can lead to an inflated ego, blinding us to our own shortcomings. Conversely, an over-dependence on external validation can erode our self-worth, causing us to lose sight of who we truly are amidst the noise of approval from others. We have heard it before “You’re beautiful.” “Can I serve you mistress? “ “ I kneel down at your feet.” This delicate balance requires introspection, urging us to cultivate a healthy sense of confidence rooted in authentic self-validation while remaining aware that some adulation received externally is temporary or momentary.

In this space between domination and submission, mindfulness becomes an essential ally, reminding us to tread carefully in both worlds. Strong self-awareness emerges as the foundation as we navigate between these realms—an internal compass guiding us towards genuine self-assurance rather than approval and admiration from others. By taking time for intentional introspection and nurturing our inner confidence independently, we discover the resilience to stand firm in our identity amidst the noise of external validation.

As a self-confessed exhibitionist who enjoys taking photos, I see my works as an art form—a personal expression no different from an artist painting on a canvas. This need for expression is also why I started to blog due to a need to express my thoughts in to words and visuals in to photography. For me the human body becomes my canvas for non-mainstream, kinky artistry. Do I receive praises? Plenty. Does it boost my confidence? Temporarily yes, but it quickly shifts to mere appreciation because there is a realisation that those sending compliments don’t truly know me beyond what they see in a dungeon setting, pictures or my writings. Outside my most loyal subs are what I call "appreciators" who don’t delve into my deeper layers. The essence of my soul and spirit is multi-faceted; those who perceive these depths must understand me wholly—a sacred space not open to all and it is protected so I stay grounded. Let’s be honest: whether you are living as a dominatrix 24/7 or working professionally within this realm, constant adulation can pull us into striving for perfection that feeds into a false ego that is really not permanent. Whether you choose to protect your privacy, share your world I feel there is nothing is more important than guarding your headspace.

Acknowledging the difference between external validation and internal validation or shall I say self affirmation is crucial—it helps us celebrate our true wins that shape our humanity, instead of relying solely on superficial praise that only skims the surface of who we are.

Is there tension for Dommes in navigating this space? It might be—but introspection is needed, along with time away to regroup and rebalance. Discerning between what is surface-level and what is genuinely real keeps us firmly rooted where we belong, beyond the surface of our shiny veneer.