Submission or domination — which side of the power play triggers you?

Lady EllaBe (Singapore)

Since revisiting my kink lifestyle, I have transitioned from what I thought was a submissive tendency to a preference for domination. However, upon asking myself this question again, I realised that it depends on the situation. The dynamic in power is one that I can transition back and forth from, which makes me feel that I am a switch. It’s simple I need both. Therefore, I ask myself: what are those triggers? When do I switch?

This relates to my daily life as a person. In my day-to-day life, I have numerous responsibilities: I’m a mother, a caretaker to not only one but two mothers, an entrepreneur, a sister, and a wife — the list truly goes on. This daily role is so exhausting and overwhelming at times and the amount of stress it brings me can be so intense. I sometimes wonder how I do it and why I haven’t already crumbled. In life I wear various hats and find myself unable to really switch off as I transition from role to role. That feeling of being trapped. I know I have a choice, but I do these things because I care; however, I sometimes wonder if I fail to truly put myself first. In fact I know that I don’t! The challenge I have is that I cannot see another person suffer when I know I have the ability or power to help. Therefore I take it upon myself to create change or use my influence to positively impact those around me. It does come at a cost and I am aware my mental exhaustion comes from pottering around for everyone else. This is the reason why this lifestyle is important for me.

When this topic was raised, I sat and gave it some thought. I find myself needing to be used. Unlike some submissive who have extremities to chase pain, I simply want to be used in a pleasurable way. I obey because I don’t have the headspace to think, feel or do. I need all three elements removed from me. Do as you please! I don’t want to care or have responsibilities; I choose to surrender into your hands. That’s why the fantasy of being tied to the point of zero movement and being edged is such a massive arousal. To achieve release, I need that space to zone out, where I feel the noise in my head is removed. It might sound a little absurd, but it’s like meditation. In that submissive moment, I feel freedom. I’m not sure if this is submission or a moment to displace myself from the stress of reality — to obey, to be cared for in the way I do for those around me. For me to be able to do this requires trust with the person I choose to submit to. It will never be a free-for-all; as much as I enjoy this lifestyle, who I choose to submit to is important.

Then, my recent discovery is domination. This is a side I never thought I had; it emerged so naturally, as if this power had been hidden away in the depths of my mind. Like a jack-in-the-box, it arrived with such energy. I never imagined I possessed a presence, yet here it stands. It all began whilst observing a mistress. The sheer power she exuded, the control she had- it was almost theatrical. As I watched, something stirred within me, a dormant force like Sleeping Beauty waking from her slumber. The only difference was this Sleeping Beauty wasn’t in a gown but desired to be in latex or rope. This experience ignited a desire to explore and embrace this aspect of my personality, which is usually more evident during the day at work and less so in my sexual behaviour. Gosh, did it feel so damn good! The moment I saw her locking him in a chair, I sensed a power shift. It felt natural to join her as I assisted in zipping him up in his latex sleep bag or locking him into his chair. I felt my language changed as I was possessed with this Wonder Woman superpower. The tables had turned, giving me control, though not in a sadistic way. I wanted to bring him pleasure on my schedule when I felt the time was right. My power trip was to see how I could prolong this play as long as possible, holding him on a razor’s edge until he was in ecstasy. By nature, I am mischievous and a tease, so I am very playful. The desire to give him pleasure was my only goal. I wanted to drive him wild! The idea of how far I could push his limits and how many times I could pump that inflatable plug gets me very cheeky.

I love seeing his eyes roll when I hit that spot… “oh, the fun has only just begun, darling! Only just begun.” The triggers of domination unleashes my creativity: how I might be able to create different experiences, how might I trigger him leading up to the play? The fun part is deciding what I can wear, playing up glamour or power dressing. Be it in my red Marchesa Notte dress or soon-to-be latex skirt, white collar shirt matched with my red patent heels and glasses. What I wear transforms me, perhaps due to my theatrical background. I very quickly immerse into this role detaching myself from reality. When it comes to dressing, I feel half of what I wear is about body confidence; it’s about being comfortable in my own skin and being able to exude it. The pleasure of seeing his pleasure, every twitch, every eye roll, every look of pleasure. The delight of his adoration for me, feeling like a goddess worshipped at her altar. I’m certain of one thing: I need more of it. I want to take him to heaven and back. This deliciousness has me hooked, and I’m eager to dive deeper, to explore every part of this dynamic. It is still a learning journey of discovery which I have no intention of stopping. I am one to absorb experiences very quickly.

Am I more submissive or more dominant? I can sense the more dominant side of me bubbling to the surface, yet I can’t ignore the need for submission. This oscillation between dominance and submission, isn’t set in stone. It’s as changeable as the British weather! It all depends on how life is treating me at any given moment. Some days, I’m ready to take on the world or take you on! Other times, I feel like a kitten craving a cuddle, guidance and support. It’s a complex mixture of emotions and desires, woven together. And you know what? I wouldn’t have it any other way. This crossover of experience, this ability to shift and adapt, is what makes me glorious.

So, are you ready to get down on your knees? Or for me to cuddle up to you like a bunny with a fluffy pink plug? You tell me!