The mind of a sub : My passion for Dominatrix and Latex

We use pseudonym names in all interviews.

The mind of a sub : My passion for Dominatrix and Latex. This is the story of Robert and his journey.

My name is Robert, and my journey began in the mid-1990s in London. My life was quite ordinary, and I was starting to realise that vanilla sex was a bit boring for me. Don't get me wrong, I was a virgin until my early 20s, so although I wasn't very experienced by the mid-1990s, I was beginning to understand that I needed something more. One day I went to a local lingerie and sex toy shop to see what I could buy for my partner, I was embarrassed just looking but then, I came across a latex top and leggings, not for my partner but me! The touch of the latex but then the smell, I specifically remember lifting it to my nose, the smell intoxicating albeit very rubbery! I went in to the changing room, no dressing aid just talcum powder and I tried them on, almost dislocating joints whilst trying on but the feel of the latex on my skin was something I had never felt before, cool, tight and restrictive and although it was hard to dress in, particularly with hairy legs, I felt I wanted this and so after 5+ minutes of dressing, here I was in front of the mirror, unpolished latex but looking and feeling like never before, I knew I had to buy this which I did.

I didn’t tell my partner at the time, we lived together and so this was my first little secret, whenever she went out, I would dress up and more often than not masturbate which meant my sex drive with her declined as all I could think about was my latex! We spilt within a year if I remember rightly, although sad to a point, it meant I could explore my latex desires.

My search for latex led me to the web, searching latex online led me to latex clad Domme’s. Although initially this didn’t interest me, I sense more due to fear, the more I looked for latex, the more inquisitive I became about Domme’s. The next few months were spent exploring Latex shops, visiting many in London and even driving to Birmingham to pick up my order as I had moved back home for a while and having packages of latex being delivered to my parents house would have led to all sorts of interesting conversations!

My latex wardrobe slowly grew, catsuits in black and red, different thicknesses for different sensations, the restrictiveness becoming more important to me, full enclosure ie head to toe latex growing in interest and then my first dress, an ankle length, baby pink latex dress being the first sign of my Latex Doll desires. This continuing search for latex kept leading me back to latex clad Domme’s, my inquisitiveness leading me to research more, 

Continuous searching and excessive amounts of masttubation over the next few months eventually led me to a London based Domme near my work, her name was Mistress Annabelle. I eventually worked up the courage to e mail her to request an appointment. I waited impatiently for several days before I finally received a response, over time I realised she only ever responded to emails at weekend but the wait for her response left me very distracted, I wanted to meet her, be under her spell and yet no response!

Finally, she responded, and my mood lightened, although my fear and anticipation grew simultaneously. I can't remember specifically what I asked to do in the session. I know I requested full enclosure latex, several layers, but beyond that, I really can't recall, even though I had told her I was a novice. The time and date were set, and the anticipation was building. It was this discovery that began this exploration.

These are the questions.

How did your first experience with your Mistress shape your understanding of submission? 

I do not believe I understood domination and submission when I visited Mistress Annabelle and I don’t think I really considered myself as submissive for sometime when clearly I was! My first ever session with Mistress Annabel had me on my knees, in front of Mistress Annabel on a throne like chair whilst body worshiping her, her legs and body clad in latex, the latex moved to the side to enable me to worship her as I was instructed to masturbate whilst I worshiped her. Clearly I was very submissive, I think it was more me accepting this as a label I was comfortable with. Only over time and gaining more experience with Mistresses and exploring more online content did I come to understand and accept that I was more submissive in nature which continues to this day.

What initially drew you to your love of latex and its connection to BDSM?

Ultimately latex was an unexpected discovery! I had enjoyed ‘shiny’ clothes from a young age, I remember vividly a shiny raincoat my mother had which my sister and I played with when I was playing to pretend to be be at the hairdressers, reversing the raincoat so I could put my arms in and have the raincoat against me. This has led to a fetish for hair salons and capes but this shiny clothes has stuck with me from childhood.

I discovered latex when looking for lingerie and sex toys for my partner at the time in the mid 1990’s. I cannot remember seeing it before this fateful day but what started as a trip to find naughty things to spice up our vanilla sex life turned in to a pivotal day in my kink journey. I bought a separate black latex top and leggings, and I kept it a secret, dressing up in it whenever I was alone as I lived with my partner. I look back and realise this was the beginning of the end of this relationship as my desire for latex only grew from here and vanilla just wasn’t enough.

I did not know about, nor connected latex with BDSM at this point, only when googling latex clothes did I start discovering Mistresses and although initially I didn’t explore further, more from fear if I remember rightly, this didn’t continue for long as my latex collection grew, my inquisitiveness for Mistresses grew. Within months I had reached out to my first ever Mistress, Mistress Annabel to session. I know I asked to be dressed head to toe in latex, several layers but as I was not familiar with BDSM and what I could or couldn’t do with Mistress Annabel, what we did during this first session is a blur aside from some body worship, masturbating at same time and having to tidy up my mess! All I know, it was a life changing experience and was the start of a long, ongoing journey with Mistresses around the world!

How did your initial experiences with latex shape your understanding of personal desires?

Initially it was the feel and look of the latex which lured me in, but as I tried new things ie multiple layers, corsets, latex doll outfits, latex mummification, serious kit suits, latex vacbeds and more recently latex maid, my personal desires have evolved through this journey. Where I started to where I am now I am a different person, almost each outfit opening new doors for me to explore my personal desires.

My journey with latex has moulded my desires, mummification came from wearing multiple layers to what was next. Latex Doll came from enjoying being made up, wearing wigs and such like, ultimately involving very little play which I hope to continue to explore 

How did your perception of submission evolve as you transitioned from a vanilla lifestyle?

Initially I did not realise, nor accept I was submissive when clearly I was. Was it more I was in denial, very possibly but as I visited Mistress Annabelle and other Mistresses I grew to accept my role as a submissive but because my vanilla life never crossed over this line, my submission was limited to my non vanilla life and has been up till 1 year ago. 

In what ways did the secrecy of your interest in latex impact your relationships, particularly with your partner at the time?

Ultimately vanilla was never enough in all my relationships after I discovered latex and Mistresses. In all my relationships and almost 20 years of marriage, after the initial spark, vanilla sex was never enough for me and hence my eyes wandered to Mistresses, escorts and naughty massages. Although when trying for children in my marriage I was more well behaved as I had to deliver my sperm on demand as we had fertility issues, these fertility issues caused a lot of resentment, I feel I used this as an excuse for my naughty behaviour but ultimately I feel I was looking for any excuse for my naughtiness.

Although I tried at times to introduce some elements of what I desired in my sex life, the response was no and I never challenged. Again, in reflection maybe I didn’t push as this was not what I desired, maybe, but ultimately I have not been monogamous in any relationship since I discovered latex and Mistresses 30 years ago as vanilla wasn’t enough for me.